I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
