wat bout pragnant strippers??
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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