i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
