I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He did a backflip because drugs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
