I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
