4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
