I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
