Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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