I hate your face
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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