Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i've created a new STD.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
