I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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