I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
