jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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