I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
