Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
