just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My feet surprised me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
