so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
