i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im holly from the hills drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
