the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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