just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize