You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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