Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
