chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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