Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
