Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
