My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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