Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
