Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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