she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
