ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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