On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
