so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
