One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
