So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone came in the potted fern
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
