I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
