So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
