I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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