angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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