Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
