This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
