they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize