i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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