I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
