you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
