I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
