Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
