I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
