no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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