so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
