yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
3pm strippers are depressing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
