Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
