I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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