Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize