Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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