we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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