I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
