Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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