32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
