The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
