i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
