There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
