and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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