i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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