my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
