coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
