I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
