I need help removing her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
